10 Signs Of Neurotic Attachment
You know, everyone has different ideas about love – someone adheres to the idea of ”beats, then loves,” someone yells “I can not live without him”, and someone loudly declares his love for pictures, where instead of paints used blood. Yes, this also happens. Do you know what unites all 3 positions? This is not love, no matter how screaming about the reverse authors of such words, it is neurotic affection and co-dependence in different stages of its manifestation.
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Hold for a moment your angry exclamations in the style of “you do not understand anything, this is love,” read the article to the end and in your head all the puzzles will form a clear picture.
So, what is love?
First of all, this is an informed choice. It’s about “I’m fine with this person, here and now I’m happy with him, but because we are together, but if something changes, if our roads part, then I have every right to stop the relationship, and we will go our own way.” You see, yes? Mature position and reasonable approach to the face.
Co-dependent relationships and, in particular, neurotic attachment, are not characterized by a mature position, it is very difficult to get out of them, and the person becomes like a masochist who is beaten / insulted / neglected / etc., And he suffers (the masochist sees a person , but he thinks that everything is in order, that this is love).
Signs of neurotic attachment It’s not unfortunate, but only 30% of all relationships can be called healthy (the figure is approximate), while the rest of the people are somehow in a relationship that can be qualified as one or another degree of codependence and / or neurotic attachment.
Let’s look at the signs of such a relationship.
- Denying other options “If he throws me, I will not meet anyone else and die an old maid.”
- Always together “Only a joint rest, only a joint choice of toilet paper, only joint evenings at home.”
- Jealousy without an excuse “Yeah, you’ve been bugging her for a week, so you’re sleeping with her, you’re such a beast.”
- Obtrusive desires Catch the difference between “I want to be loved and enjoy it” and “I have to love, why should it not cost me.”
- Greedy Neurotic love is insatiable and manifests itself in the general greed of character, revealing itself in food, shopping, impatience, sex, etc.
- The Requirement of Unconditional Love “You must love me no matter how I behave.”
- Fear of rejection God forbid a person with neurotic affection to refuse a meeting or a phone call – this will mean that you betrayed him and beg forgiveness on your knees.
- Self-deception “I am the greatest of lovers and capable of the highest self-sacrifice” – but in fact the neurotic is simply unable to love.
- Pressure on pity “You must love me, because I suffer and helpless.”
- Patience for a great goal A person with a neurotic attachment is ready to endure almost any humiliation – he for a time himself leaves, but then returns anyway.
This is not all the signs, but only the main ones. It should be understood that neurotic attachment can be not only in women, but also in men (especially if there was a rejecting mother), and in children (up to a certain age this is the norm, but in 25 years to hold on to my mother’s skirt is an over-search).
Neurotic affection can also be expressed not only in relation to a person of the opposite sex, but also in relation to mother, friend, country, religion, etc.
Remember that love is about happiness and satisfaction from a relationship with a partner, and not about suffering, tears and tantrums. A girl with a mature psyche and a healthy attitude to love will say, “Yes, I love my husband and I want to live with him until my old age, but if my husband starts behaving in an inappropriate way tomorrow, for example, to hit me with a slipper in the face, I’ll turn around and leave, new husband”.
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A girl with neurotic affection, who is in a co-dependent relationship, will say the following: “You do not understand anything! We have a great love. Yes, he stumbled and has been drinking and beating me for 10 years, but we will experience it together, because we love each other. ” The second position about the eternal running around the circle of masochism, but the first – about brightness and happiness.
A person with a mature position in life clearly sees who is next to him, and does not try to make an Arab horse out of a dead horse. But the neurotic person convinces everyone that this is not a dead horse, and the Arabian stallion is just a little tired.
Which position will you choose?
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