Let’s face it: when we are in the beginning of a relationship, we usually see our partner and the relationship itself through pink lenses. Everything looks beautiful.
Any failures that we can detect in our partner are minimized. Does he avoid introducing you to your family members? It will happen when it has to happen. Does she live leaving shoes and dirty dishes all over the house? No problem, you’re organized enough for both of you.
10 Signs That You’re in a Wrong Relationship
But when you begin to see your relationship in a realistic light and analyze it to see what it really is or no longer, you realize that some problems are too serious to sweep under the rug. Dating and marriage experts present below ten warning signs that, for them, should be cause for concern in any relationship.
1. You feel the need to change who you are to please your partner.
We all change a bit when we are exposed to a new partner and their individual tastes. You can watch a House of Cards marathon because your partner loves the show, or you can try to become a vegetarian for a few months because your girlfriend has been following that diet for years (keyword: try). This only becomes a real problem when you feel the need to change who you are, fundamentally, to please your partner, says married and family therapist Virginia Gilbert.
If you find yourself shaping your values, your opinions and even your dressing style to please your partner, that’s a serious problem, says Gilbert. If you edit your words before you speak and constantly monitor the impression you are making because you feel your partner is ‘taking notice’, it may be time to give up that relationship.
2. You need to defend your loved one in front of your family and friends.
Not everyone will like your boyfriend or girlfriend as much as you like. But for psychotherapist M. Gary Newman, author of The Truth About Male Betrayal, if the general consensus among your family and friends is that your new love is totally wrong for you, it’s time to worry, yes.
When all your friends and family are bothered by your relationship, you need to look closely at that relationship, he said. If you find yourself isolated from the people you love, thinking that they just do not know your partner as you know him, chances are this will not end well.
3. When criticism and irritation about small things, even when jokingly, are a constant in the relationship.
He finds it irritating her habit to send SMS every hour, and he keeps telling her that. She compares the fact that she graduated from one of the best colleges in the country with his high school diploma, speaking in jest, but also disparagingly. If your partner’s overly critical stare is starting to affect her self-esteem, it’s time to react or fall out, says relationship specialist Tina Swithin.
Criticism can be comparisons that put you down subtly and can be said in a casual, passive-aggressive way, says the expert. Even so, they may end up eroding your self-confidence. Ultimately, a healthy relationship should put you up, and not pull you down.
4. You live wondering what your partner is doing when you are not together.
What Elvis sang about suspicious minds is true. You and your half-man can not continue together if you live with doubts as to what she or he is doing when she is not on your side.
Dating coach Marina Sbrochi agrees and offers an example to illustrate: Maybe your new girlfriend leaves her phone on the muffler. All the time. Add to that the fact that she can only go out with you two or three times a week and says she prefers to send SMS to talk on the phone. Call it! Even without being an investigative reporter, you know that something does not smell right. When two and two do not give four, it’s time to say goodbye to that person and look for a relationship that does not look like a ‘Detective’ match.
5. It is your partner who makes all the important decisions in your life.
You only meet when it suits your boyfriend and only go out with his family or his friends. You’ve been to all the events of your girlfriend’s work and all the parties of her friends, but you’ve given up on inviting her to any social event of yours – she’s already made it very clear that she’s not interested.
Do you identify with that? If it’s your partner who gives the orders and you just do what he wants, crazy to get even a few crumbs that are his attention, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship, warns Gilbert.
6. Your sexual life leaves much to be desired.
A relationship should not be limited to sex, but, according to Sbrochi, sex must have some important role in it.
If you feel the person has all the other qualities you want in a partner, then find a sex therapist. Try some new tricks and see if you two can make some chemistry, she suggests. Believe me, you need a sexual connection so the relationship has a long life. You already have many friends, you do not need another friend. It’s time to look for love and sex in one package.
7. You want more time for yourself, but your partner wants more time for the two of you together.
You’re crazy to have a little time to be alone. Meanwhile, your boyfriend keeps complaining because you see yourself so little. In other words, the frequency of your connection is too high or too low, explains Jane Greer, a conjugal and family therapist, whether these connections happen through text messages, phone calls, or in person. If the two of you never find an amount of connection that both feel good about, that’s a problem.
8. You feel personally responsible for your partner’s happiness.
Watch your internal red alerts as soon as you begin to feel that your partner relies on you, and no one else, to keep you emotionally balanced, Gilbert recommends.
Your partner may be at the bottom of the pit of despair or he may be exploding with anger, but he or she makes you feel that it is your fault in some way, and that it is up to you to change whatever you have done or said which left him ill, she exemplifies. What you do or say to remedy the situation is always the wrong thing and it makes your partner feel even worse, and that is your fault, of course. You always feel like stepping on eggs and you have the impression that the walls are narrowing and cornering. This kind of relationship is pure poison. Get him out of here as soon as possible.
9. Your partner controls who you have contact with and what you do.
For Swithin, this may be the biggest red alert ever. If your partner controls the time you spend with friends or family, your finances, the clothes you wear or how much makeup you put on, that’s something that should be taken very seriously.
10. You wonder if you are in a wrong relationship.
It may sound painfully obvious, but later you may regret it tremendously of your tendency to silence those doubts about the relationship, says Sbrochi. We often look back at a negative relationship, and only in hindsight can you understand what those signs meant, she says. But if you think about it you’ll see that deep down you’ve known it all along, just wanted to ignore the signs for some reason.
Instead, be proactive about your relationship concerns and try to resolve them with your partner – or leave for another, before you get hurt. Make a mental note of the things that bother you, Sbrochi recommends. If things happen again or if you feel that your internal warning lights are turning off (even if you do it slowly), it’s time to step back.
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